rude awakenings

my daughter is just shy of her 5 month bday and let me tell you ...the changes happen practically over night! wonderful changes of course...she's trying to crawl on her arms and knees, she coos and gurgles, she recognizes mommy and daddy ..and of course she's growing into a beautiful girl with pink cheeks and long eyelashes.........their are also changes that have been a bit difficult to deal with....she's teething, she's a bit irregular with her bowel movements [hard poopy] so that makes her uncomfortable, she gets bored easy aka calling for mommy every min on the min
and the worst of them all ....she fights with her sleep! and lord what a battle it is!
she is def getting those lungs warmed up to let out those blood curdling screams [that should def get mommys attention]...dont get me wrong! im a pretty firm momma! only 24 and i believe in good discipline,structure and lots of homegrown loving and learning...by 4 months our little momma was already sleeping in her room and sleeping through the night! i nursed her until she was 3 months..then my poor girls couldnt take it anymore plus my tempermental sweetheart was just to impatient ...the flow was too slow or the supply wasnt enough because she would get so frustrated! but for a first time mom i tried my best and she's very healthy.

So let me just get to the point now..with my little girl getting ready for the next phase of her life [crawling ,eating solids] theres alot of changes happening with mommy aswell and well....i've been feeling a bit overwhelmed ...i just got accepted into college..im trying to get some type of assistance ...daddy started working a full nine to five so mommy gets zero help with the little one
my mother in law would give me two days a week to run errands clean and get myself together
and of course [not to my surprise] she is going through things in her life right now where having her watch the little one wouldn't be fair at this point. So here i'am in full housewife/mommy mode...exhausted ..not enough time in a day to get things done and completely stressed..It took for this to happen to make me realize FINALLY! THAT HOLY CRAP THIS IS HOW ITS GONNA BE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE! remember when your life was prebaby...you go to lets say your bros house ..see his kids running around screaming ..you play with them and give them back ..by the end of the day your happy you can do that! give them back..unfortunately that was the kind of person i was...it took a while for it to set in that i'am a new mother...i was a bit spoiled with this pregnancy ..i have a huge family and lots of support and that contributed to the denial...but today when i realized its not that simple to just get up and go because you have someone else you have to care for and tend too ...it felt like a smack in the face...please dont take it the wrong way..my daugther is spoiled with love, affection and nourishment ..it will continue to be that way...just a stressed out new mom coming to terms with her future and her place..